This month I have attended many weddings and I have invitations for
many more. I am invited to conduct the nikah for most of these
marriages. I thoroughly enjoy getting people married as this brings
people of various backgrounds together and most importantly it unites
two people in love and commitment. Marriage is the only way we can
maintain a healthy and sustainable society. There should be more
weddings and we should celebrate that.
However, I have noticed three terribly disturbing things in wedding
celebrations in our community:
1. The wastage and extravagance:Many of these wedding functions cost
tens of thousands of pounds. People vie for outdoing each other in
wedding halls, décor, costumes, wedding dress, wedding cars, jewelry,
and gifts. I have even seen people hiring helicopters to arrive at
their weddings! The food is the most expensive part in these
functions. Yet in most cases the over spicy and greasy food causes
great distress with indigestion, heartburn and other digestive
complications!
I can understand people spending reasonable amounts of money to make
their special day memorable but spending to show off is certainly in
total contradiction to the spirit of weddings in Islam. People should
always spend within their means but I am hearing people are borrowing
huge amounts of money from banks, remortgaging their properties or
using multiple credit cards to pay for their wedding bills.
If marriage is an act of worship in Islam and is performed to seek the
Grace and Blessings of God, surely contravening the principles of God
would be the cause of disgrace and misery. The question is, are all
these expenses for one day of celebration really worth the heart ache
and waste?
Allah warns us against those who waste and are extravagant. He calls
them the partners of Shaytan (the devil). "Eat and drink, and do not
be wasteful or extravagant." And in another verse he says, "surely the
wasteful and extravagant are partners of the devil". You can never buy
true happiness with money or materials. The true happiness is found in
moderation, humility and selflessness. Marital bliss is embodied in
the spiritual and physical heart of two people coming together to
create a safe space for their emotional, physical and spiritual
journey and growth. It is in this safe and tranquil space God bestows
part of His Love (Mawadda) and Mercy (Rahma). You can never buy this
with money. Weddings should always be modest!
Late!
2. Atrocious timekeeping:I went to a recent wedding where the guests
were asked to arrive by 1pm and I was told to be there at 1.30pm at
the latest.
Unfortunately the bridegroom didn't turn up until after 4.00 and the
bride until 5 and lunch around 5.30pm. People were hungry, kids were
distraught and to make things even more complicated, the event was
organized outdoor in blazing heat of the sun. There were elderly
people who were suffering from diabetes and were feeling their blood
sugar level altering to alarming levels.
I asked one of the organisers about the reasons for the delay and any
indication of time. I was told it was an Asian wedding, what do I
expect?
There is no excuse that can justify this rotten culture of bad time
keeping. It has become so acceptable that everyone assumes everyone
else will be late and they deliberately set off late for such
functions. Unfortunately the Muslim community has gained notoriety for
the abuse of time to such a degree that now many people would ask, if
the event is following GMT (Greenwich Mean Time) or GMT (generous
Muslim time)? It is a disgrace that people do not keep to time and it
is terrible that Islam has been tarnished by the attitude of some
Muslims.
I have learned from waiting for hours, I ask those who invite me to
conduct their Islamic Marriage ceremony to give me the precise time.
Sometimes they complain about the Imam being late for their
ceremonies. Lateness is bad but Imams turning up late is very
disturbing. I have been told that many imams do not turn up on time,
and that is the reason the families give an earlier time so that Imam
would arrive on time. I was very sad to hear that and I make it my
duty to arrive on time.
There is a direct connection between time and God. We should all
remember that God is time and to abuse time is to abuse God. Not
keeping to time disturbs other people's programme and causes
unnecessary pain. I remember I had to leave a wedding reception event
recently without performing the Nikah because the bride and the groom
were 4 hours late.
3. Too many pretentious people:I have attended so many weddings in my
life and have met so may amazing people who are genuine and are truly
great inspiration. I have also met people who are extremely
pretentious and fake. I have failed to understand the real merit in
such people.
Many people attend weddings for the wrong reasons. Some attend purely
to show off. They wear clothes for people to take notice of them. They
wear luxurious suits or dresses for people to recognize their wealth.
They talk in the most artificial manner and worse they pretend to be
your best friend.
Wedding celebration is all about bringing friends and families
together to rejoice in the physical and spiritual union of two hearts.
The heart is ruined when artificiality and pretense is at play. People
who vie for false attention contaminate the wonderful blessings
contained in marriage. Such people attend weddings for promoting
themselves. They will make deriding comments about the décor; they
would snigger at other people, complain about the food, provide
unsolicited advice, be critical for the smallest thing and demand to
be the centre of attention.
I can spot such people from miles away. I do not enjoy their company
and it is hard for me to pretend to be unaware of their
pretentiousness. They really lack confidence but pretend to have loads
of it. They are in constant need for attention and other people's
approval. They do not have sophistication but pretend to be most
cultured and sophisticated. You can notice this in the way they dress
and their mannerism. Unfortunately, weddings tend attract such people.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy conducting nikah and attending the
celebrations. I thoroughly enjoy meeting and talking to people but I
do not like phony people and I do not like people who live to showoff.
I long for simple, classy, naturally managed, time maintained and
unpretentious wedding celebrations. I desperately look forward to
easy, relaxing, entertaining and fun filled weddings. You don't need
to dress to impress or seek other people's approval to have fun.
Wedding celebration does not need extravagance, wastefulness and
pretentiousness.
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Published by NAJIMUDEEN M
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