Question
Assalaamu Alaikum My mother has been married to my father for 20 years and during these years, my father hardly took up a job. He wants to do business and had tried so many times and has failed for some reason. My mother has brought me and my younger brother up. My father never took responsibility of finances or education of his family upon himself. He also get very agressive with my mother and keeps cursing her mother for every small mistake that anyone in our family commits. My mother has taken this for 20 years and now, she is tired and doesn't know what to do. She tries to be a good muslim and wife and she tries to have patience. My father is also very agressive with my brother and me, and he even hit us many times, even for no apparent reason. He yells at my brother, who is 12 and he threatens him and my brother feels very hurt and he is innocent. He feels scared to do anything because no matter what he does, my father beats him or yells at him. My father is short-tempered and has threatened us many times. I no longer feel safe in my house and my mother is on the verge of breaking down. She is also considering divorce. My father prays salat and fasts but he is very short-tempered and behaves very badly with his family. Please advice. Jazak Allah Khair
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
If your father is as you have mentioned in the question, then he is definitely in the wrong. Even so, one of the means of being kind and dutiful to him is to advise him in a soft and gentle manner hoping that Allaah The Almighty will rectify him.
First of all, you should seek the help of Allaah The Almighty and then the help of whomever you think may influence him, like your relatives or any other person. For more benefit on how to advise a father who gets angry very easily, please refer to Fatwa 23587.
Also, we advise you and your brothers to be patient with him and not misbehave towards him, because if you do so, your action will be considered as severing ties with him. Indeed, it is not permissible for a child to mistreat his father even if the latter mistreats him.
Among the means of being kind and dutiful to the mother is to be nice to her, stand by her side, and remind her to be patient; for more benefit on the excellence of patience, please refer to Fataawa 85445and 83577.
Besides, you should cooperate with your mother in any way that could be a reason for rectifying your father. However, if she is harmed by staying with him, then she has the right to ask him for divorce. Nevertheless, if she can be patient, then she should do so and this is better because divorce may not always be the best solution.
For more benefit on the stand of the children towards their disputing parents, please refer to Fatwa 97282.
Finally, it should be noted that the father is obliged to bear the expenses of his wife and his children and this is an Islamic principle. Thus, if the father is negligent in this regard, then he is sinful and this is forbidden. The Prophetsaid: “It is enough of a sin for a person not to provide means of sustenance to those whom he is obliged to support.” ]Ahmad and Muslim[
Allaah Knows best.
Regads, :-
NAJIMUDEEN M :-
Question
Salam, my husband cheated on me a few months ago. I am trying so hard to forgive and move on with our lives. I have been married for 5 years now and we have to kids. 1 and 3yrs. Ever since I found out that he cheated on me I am being so skeptical about most things for, eg if he,s at work, check the phone bill. He has locked his I-PAD for months now and I requested to him why he is locking his IPAD, he said just incase if it gets lost all personal info are there, eg bank etc. I said ok then, can you share the password with me? He said why do I need it? I told him ever since I found out he cheated on me I have been insecure and I don,t trust him at this point, sometime in the future I will. I told him he needs to earn back my trust. He asked me if he shares the password with me if that will solve the issues we currently are having? I told him NO, but unlocking or sharing your password with me will clear that doubt in my mind that I currently has. He said to me I either have 2 choices, 1-either I accept that he is not chaeting or lying to me and will not share his password or 2- divorce him. I think he is being very selfish and only thinks about himself. Yes, he has apologised for cheating on me and he said he takes full responsibility for but that doesn,t change the fact he hurt me, betrayed me and now he started curses at me. At this point we are just fighting and saying things to each other. I don,t know what to do at this point. Our parents knew he what he did and everyone thinks that everything is ok when its not. I cannot live a life accepting that its ok my husband. I need your help!!!!
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
You did not clarify to us what you mean by your husband cheating you, as some people may mean by this the marriage of a husband with a second wife, although there is nothing wrong Islamically with this. This term can also be used for a husband establishing an affectionate relationship with a non-Mahram )marriageable( woman, and this is forbidden as we clarified in Fatwa 81356.
Therefore, if what you meant is your husband establishing a forbidden relationship, and you are certain that he did this, then you should advise him in a soft and gentle manner and remind him of Allaah The Almighty as he might repent. If we presume that he persists in doing so and you are harmed by staying with him, then it becomes permissible for you to ask him for divorce or Khul’ )divorce initiated by a woman(. However, you should not hasten to do so as the preponderant ]greater[ benefit could be in being patient with him and trying to rectify him.
Of course, this is if you are sure that he did this. However, if you are just suspecting this, then this is forbidden. In principle, a Muslim is innocent and it is not permissible to spy on him or investigate about his matters; Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(: }O you who have believed, avoid much ]negative[ assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allaah; indeed, Allaah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.{ ]Quran 49:12[
In addition to this, by spying on him and investigating about him, you make yourself sorrowful and unhappy, and you may believe him if he tells lies to you and you may not believe him if he tells you the truth. Thus, it is wise not to spy on him and investigate about him.
Finally, we advise you to beware of Satan and his plots and endeavors in separating spouses.Jaabirnarrated that the Prophetsaid: “Indeed, Iblees )Satan( places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments ]for creating dissension[; the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: 'I did such and such'. And he says: 'You have done nothing'. Then one amongst them comes and says: 'I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seeds of discord between him and his wife'. Satan goes near him and says: ‘You have done well!’” ]Muslim[
Allaah Knows best.
Regads, :-
NAJIMUDEEN M :-
Question
My in-laws are going through a talaq my mother inlaw walked out of her house she shared with her husband last year September and moved in with her eldest son, this son always wanted to own the mother, 2 years ago the mother spoke ill about this son and his wife to the other siblings and caused friction amongst the other children but now she is living under their roof and we must just forget about what she had said. She has now gone to seek a talaq/fasag they have been married for 40 years he has 2 other wives, the thing I want to know is, is she allowed to go away on holiday away trips with this son and his inlaws as well as on trips with the senior club she belongs to now that they are in this process? Some of the other siblings have also alienated the father should adult children choose sides and should the mother inlaw not have been opened with that son whose she living with now as to what she had told the other siblings about them and how they treated her 2 years ago?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, is His slave and Messenger.
In principle, it is impermissible for a wife to leave her husband's house without his permission. In case of a revocable divorce, it is impermissible for her to leave her house except for a necessity.
Therefore, if your mother-in-law is still married to your father-in-law or if the divorced is revocable, then it is impermissible for her to leave the house, let alone travel, unless there is a necessity.
However, if the divorce is irrevocable or her husband gave his permission, then there is no problem in her traveling with her son or living with him. The fact that she spoke ill of him, or that he mistreated her, or that she caused friction between him and his siblings, does not prevent her from living with her son or traveling with him. But she must repent of what she has done.
On the other hand, all the children are obliged to be dutiful to their parents and it is impermissible for them to sever their relations with either of the parents, whether they remain married or get divorced.
Allaah Knows best.
Regads, :-
NAJIMUDEEN M :-
There is no concrete fossil evidence to support the “ape-man” image, which is unceasingly indoctrinated by the media and evolutionist academic circles. With brushes in their hands, evolutionists produce imaginary creatures, yet the fact that these drawings have no matching fossils constitutes a serious problem for them. One of the interesting methods they employ to overcome this problem is to “produce” the fossils they cannot find. 'The Piltdown Man' -- the biggest scandal in the history of science, is a typical example of this method.
Piltdown Man: An orang-utan's jaw and a human skull!
A well-known doctor and amateur paleoanthropologist, Charles Dawson, came out with an assertion that he had found a jawbone and a cranial fragment in a pit inPiltdown,Englandin 1912 CE. ُُEven though the jawbone was more ape-like, the teeth and the skull were like a man’s. These specimens were labeled the “Piltdown Man.” Alleged to be 500,000 years old, they were displayed as an absolute proof of human evolution in several museums. For more than 40 years, many scientific articles were written on the “Piltdown Man,” many interpretations and drawings were made and the fossil was presented as an important evidence of human evolution. No less than 500 doctoral theses were written on the subject.
The famous American paleo-anthropologist Henry Fairfield Osborn said: “…we have to be reminded over and over again that Nature is full of paradoxes and this is an astonishing finding about early man…” while he was visiting the British Museum in 1935 CE.
In 1949 CE, Kenneth Oakley from theBritishMuseum’s paleontology department attempted to try the method of “fluorine testing,” a new test used for determining the date of some old fossils. A trial was made on the fossil of the Piltdown Man. The result was astounding. During the test, it was realised that the jawbone of the Piltdown Man did not contain any fluorine. This indicated that it had remained buried no more than a few years. The skull, which contained only a small amount of fluorine, showed that it was only a few thousand years old.
The latest chronological studies made with the fluorine method have revealed that the skull is only a few thousand years old. It was determined that the teeth in the jawbone belonging to an orang-utan had been worn down artificially and that the “primitive” tools discovered with the fossils were simple imitations that had been sharpened with steel implements. In the detailed analysis completed by Weiner, this forgery was revealed to the public in 1953 CE. The skull belonged to a 500-year-old man and the mandibular bone belonged to a recently dead ape!
The teeth were thereafter specially arranged in an array and added to the jaw and the joints were filed in order to resemble that of a man. Then all these pieces were stained with potassium dichromate to give them a dated appearance. These stains began to disappear when dipped in acid. Le Gros Clark, who was in the team that disclosed the forgery could not hide his astonishment at this situation and said that “the evidences of artificial abrasion immediately sprang to the eye. Indeed so obvious did they seem it may well be asked – how was it that they had escaped notice before?” In the wake of all this, “Piltdown Man” was hurriedly removed from theBritishMuseumwhere it had been displayed for more than 40 years.
NebraskaMan: The phantom who was born from a pig’s tooth!
In 1922 CE, Henry Fairfield Osborn, manager of theAmericanMuseumof Natural History, declared that he had found a fossil molar tooth inWest Nebraskanear Snake Brook belonging to the Pliocene period. This tooth allegedly bore the common characteristics of both man and ape. Deep scientific arguments began, in which some interpreted this tooth to be of Pithecanthropus erectus while others claimed it was closer to human beings. This fossil which aroused extensive debate was called the “Nebraska Man.” It was also immediately given a “scientific name”: Hesperopithecus haroldcooki.
Many authorities gave Osborn their support. Based on this single tooth, reconstructions of the Nebraska Man’s head and body were drawn. Moreover, the Nebraska Man was even pictured along with his wife and children, as a whole family in a natural setting.
All of these scenarios were developed from just one tooth. Evolutionist circles accredited this “ghost man” to such an extent that when a researcher named William Bryan opposed these biased decisions relying on a single tooth, he was harshly criticized.
In 1927 CE, other parts of the skeleton were also found. According to these newly-discovered pieces, the tooth belonged neither to a man nor to an ape. It was realized that it belonged to an extinct species of wild American pig called Prosthennops. William Gregory entitled his article published in Science magazine where he announced this fault as: “Hesperopithecus: Apparently not an ape nor a man.” Then all the drawings of Hesperopithecus haroldcooki and “his family” were hurriedly removed from evolutionary literature.
Ota Benga: The African in the cage
AfterDarwinadvanced the claim with his book The Descent of Man that man evolved from ape-like living beings, he started to seek fossils to support this contention. However, some evolutionists believed that “half-man half-ape” creatures were to be found not only in the fossil record, but also alive in various parts of the world. In the early 20thcentury CE, these pursuits for “living transitional links” led to unfortunate incidents, one of the cruelest of which is the story of a Pygmy by the name of Ota Benga.
Ota Benga was captured in 1904 CE by an evolutionist researcher in theCongo. In his own tongue, his name meant “friend”. He had a wife and two children. Chained and caged like an animal, he was taken to the USA where evolutionist scientists displayed him to the public in the St Louis World Fair along with other ape species and introduced him as “the closest transitional link to man.” Two years later, they took him to the Bronx Zoo inNew Yorkand there they exhibited him under the denomination of “ancient ancestors of man” along with a few chimpanzees, a gorilla named Dinah and an orang-utan called Dohung. Dr. William T. Hornaday, the zoo’s evolutionist director gave long speeches on how proud he was to have this exceptional “transitional form” in his zoo and treated caged Ota Benga as if he were an ordinary animal. Unable to bear the treatment he was subjected to, Ota Benga eventually committed suicide.
The ‘Piltdown Man’, the ‘NebraskaMan’, Ota Benga…. These scandals demonstrate that evolutionist scientists do no hesitate to employ any kind of unscientific method to prove their theory. Bearing this point in mind, when we look at the other so-called evidence of the “human evolution” myth, we confront a similar situation. Here, there is a fictional story and an army of volunteers ready to try everything to verify this story.
Regads, :-
NAJIMUDEEN M :-
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