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Question
I want to introduce myself. I once asked a question here saying is it ok to leave my husband temporary until he start practicing the sunah correctly. U guys answer that It's ok if I'm sure that he will change because of that. But Subhanallah, I did only for a few days because I was disappointing my family according to them so I came back. I came back also because I was newlywed so much in love with my husband I couldnt see, the truth so I stayed with him. I stayed with him my eeman declined so much, because of the environment and because of me not studying no more any Islamic teaching. I became worst than him. I felt that I'm a looser. And I started having lots of fight and yelling with him, not necessarily his faults to start them but both of us and some times me. We didn't have much intimacy most times, and often we only argued and belittled each other. I was very sad and disconnected to Islamic teaching too. It continued like that until his cousin a male came to stay with us. I had my niqab on and my husband always belittled me for that infront of him telling me even his cousin can't see my face I'm abnormal living like that in society. I felt bad and I did the most hideous crime. As I stay with my husband cousin I started conversing with him laughing and joking with. He is so handsome and very comfortable to me at that time because I felt I was worthless to my husband. Once I was alone with him playing, I showed him my face. He immediately felt for me so did I with. We started doing harram and I completely hated my husband. It continued I regretted having this hideous sin with this guy but I continued with him because that was the only place I felt completely satisfied. Me and my husband is just fighting and arguments. I stopped doing this harram with this guy and I will never try to be with him alone. But still I don't enjoy staying with husband but I have a child now . I afraid my family, son would not forgive me. What should I do plz help advice n make dua.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
It is confirmed that the Prophetwas asked about the "male in-law", who is the husband's brother or male relative and he said: ''The male in-law is death itself.” ]Bukhaari and Muslim[
This means that he is like death because of the afflictions and calamities that happen due to being lenient in dealing with him and because of him entering upon the wife as he is not like other non-Mahram )marriageable( men because of his blood relation with the husband.
What you mentioned about the sin that you committed with him is clear evidence of this. Therefore, you should repent to Allaah from this grave major sin by regretting it and being determined not to do it again. So, you should not sit with that man nor talk to him, and you should not be in a place where you may be in seclusion with him as a way of preventing the means that lead to what is forbidden. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 86527, 154373and 127911.
On the other hand, we advise you to try to rectify your husband by supplicating Allaah for him and calling him to goodness and righteousness and to get closer to Allaah and you should advise him to befriend righteous people who would guide him to do good and keep him away from evil. You should not despair of him becoming a righteous man nor give up enjoining him to do good deeds and forbidding him from doing evil deeds.
As far as you are concerned, you should keep company with righteous and good women who would help you perform righteous deeds, guide you to do good and help you in what you are doing.
As regards separating from your husband and asking him for divorce, then we do not advise you to do so unless the marital relations between you and him become impossible while he persists in his dissoluteness and disobedience after advising him and admonishing him. In which case, divorce should be the last solution in the same manner that cauterization should be the final treatment )i.e. it is the last to be opted for among all healing procedures(.
Allaah Knows best.
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Regards,
NAJIMUDEEN M
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